Married in Mexico and the Road to Awe

Married in Mexico

I didn't expect to have my opinion on marriage change by going to Mexico. One would expect, based on my parents and my sexuality, that I would think marriage a phony-baloney concept designed to force people in to staying together for tax purposes and the church. However, I have always been curious about it. Over the years, I had grown to assume that what makes a friendship different from a marriage must be having everything checked off on some list that went like this:  






Sharing a chequing account and having similar financial plans  




romantically in love  




able to live together  




could hypothetically raise a dog/child together  




proud to call each other a partner  







Now that I have been hilariously (but effectively, I will add) fake-married in Mexico, I am now more inclined to believe that being married is not what follows a checklist, but that a successful marriage is merely a successful partnership of two people in love. I learned a lot about partnership traveling with my friend, Jordan, just as much through our own Mexico Marriage as I did observing other's more legally legitimate marriages.   



In the list above, at least half are dependent on being a reliable partner, and the other two built on ideas of companionship. Knowing what I do now, I see marriage as the result of choosing a partner which you love, as opposed to choosing a lover to be your partner.  








Jordan and I made the decision to be fake-married in Mexico in order to receive better service and make friends, and we knew it wouldn't be too much of a stress because we do, indeed, make good partners and companions. We had a grand time being married in Mexico, but what really blew us away was the reception of others; whatever it was we had and exuded, people were impressed and touched emotionally by it. Not only were we interesting because we had different accents and appeared to be of a different race, but we were young and happily and effectively married. We never bickered, we didn't stress each other out, and even in high-stress situations we worked through them without hindrance. We took care of each other without owing each other, there was no pushing or guilting in compromises (during the rare moments they had to be made, that is), neither of us felt held back or pushed, and never tired of each other's company while still being equally happy to have others around. We were clearly happy together, too.  



So, when people laugh and ask "how did you get away with it!? You guys showed nopdain public? Did they not catch on Jordan was gay?" it has struck me that we got away with it because though there were so many married couples around us out of sync and at times stressed, irregardless of how in love they were or how many times they kissed in public, Jordan and I worked together and enjoyed our stay together with the confidence of people who "got married" as partners with affection for each other as opposed to making a lover in to a partner via diamond ring. 








Travel tests marriages because I am getting the impression now that many marriages, and even good marriages, can be initiated as a promise to be partners. Travel demands a level of communication, teamwork, and various levels of sacrifice and stepping up to the plate when needed- all of which challenge a partnership, not companionship.  











Thinking this through blew my mind because suddenly marriage seems even more a sacred bond, and yet less scary. When I was younger, marriage seemed extremely intimidating because no matter how much you may love someone, something is sure to test your ability to be married to one another. Marriage demands consistent effort on both sides, and locking in to that promise to learn how to do that is very frightening. However, viewing marriage as an expression of whatever beautiful relationship results in good partnership and affection makes it seem a far more natural transition, to me. I now see my prospects as an asexual and my parent's marriage so differently. Perhaps it wasn't that my parent's weren't in love, but that they weren't ready to be partners, and the struggle that followed the decision to be partners is what did them in. I can never know if this is the case, and surely over the years my view on marriage will continue to evolve, but in this moment that distinction makes a world of difference.











The Road to Awe




The word we settled on, specifically in terms of exploring Xcaret's underground river system, was "awe". 




There was no doubt that we were scared, and the pictures make it seem as if there were 


lights in those caves, when I can assure you the darkness often went for long stretches with light only barely reaching in from the end. The pictures online shy away from the massive and very active bats clinging to the roof of the caves and deep and threatening cracks in the floor which surely lead to the center of the Earth. However, pictures cannot capture the petrified coral which the caves were composed of, the vivid and overwhelming density of the rain forest which seemed to be spilling out in to the rivers when you were between caves. The water being so clear was a blessing and a curse: it was beautiful, but it also meant that when you couldn't see the bottom, your imagination could run wild about what went on in those depths. 


We laughed when our breath wasn't being stolen away, we floated on and surrendered to wherever we were being taken, accepting that bats were going to swoop and weird bugs were going to appear whenever possible and that we were going to be taken to places which no picture could ever do justice. In those moments, I felt something in me shrink and shrink in humility, only to burst out and like a morning stretch out in the sun I felt my reach on this world Greater, because I could place a stake in this place and moment. Even in the times we were surrounded by people, something about the combined carnal and spiritual experience together throughout our trip in Mexico brought a feeling so surreal and sublime that "awe" can be the only word for it. 










I found a road to awe in Mexico, and I expect to continue finding them and throwing myself down them. Our road involved a singular and independent experience of awe and terror, euphoria and bliss, tying in to the wholeness of being together. What divine and cosmic coincidences had brought us to this point, and what privilege to feel these things and look to my left, at my partner, and see the same reflected on his face as if we were together- really together- in this foreign, beautiful place. Traveling on the road of awe was a process of realizing and relishing in the grip you have on this world with those around you, and letting go-throwing yourself down that road together, and coming up for air. 

It was an adventure every bit as it was a retreat, just as fun as it was daunting, and there is no better companion and partner I could have chosen to share it with.