1. Who I am, as an asexual, goes against fundamental human nature
This is why the gays don't think I understand where they're coming from, and straight people (despite my insistence that I am, indeed, romantically straight) do not feel I am one of them. What gays and straights do share is their sex drive. Who I am goes against a basic instinct and social design. Despite the fact that I would like to get married and have children and am in a relationship, my lack of sex drive and aversions to sex make me not unlike a sociopath in terms of missing that essential social drive everyone else shares.
2. Before, I did not really believe my sexuality could do any harm
But it could.
I could be repressing the man I love.
The possibility is there, and it kills me that it always will be
3. Faithfulness, love, and sex are intertwined.
The perfect relationship is one that is emotionally, socially, and sexually satisfying.
I can never have a perfect relationship. That is an awful thing to realize. I will never know what I'm missing out on because I cannot enjoy it, and every relationship I have can only ever be as good as it CAN be.
4. Polyamory seems like a heavenly abyss, but an asexual person could never be valued in that system
I would love nothing more than to be involved in a mutually loving family of multiple relationships. Polyamorous families are full of love, and I believe it would be a great environment for any person or child to be involved in. However, the sexual freedom is imperative. I would be less valued than the other women. Why be in my bed when you can be in the bed of another woman you love who will also sleep with you?
5. There are other asexuals, but to find one I would have to uproot my life to find them
The fifth point is what brings me at peace, though. Hang in there, I'll get to why:
All things considered, I just want love, and I want my love to be enough. Being devoid of sex drive and incapable of having sex is not like not having an arm, or being biologically infertile. I cannot "fix" this because it is who I am, and if there is anything that the gays can sympathise with me about, it is that I do not believe I need to be "fixed", even if I am missing something where the gays just have that something pointed in a different direction.
We feel alien, we feel like we cannot be valued by a man, and this is wrong. This is false.
I am a valued lover, and I will always be a valued friend, but I am not natural and I wonder if people can see it- on my own, or when I'm with my boyfriend. Can they see that something is missing?
I could never provide him with what he deserves, and I would let him sleep with others but he feels it would be wrong. Despite what I tell myself, I would probably feel wrong about it, too.
But I know that I will always find love. And this is why the fifth point brings me peace: I could find another asexual, but it isn't worth it right now. I have so much, including a healthy and happy relationship. For all the anxieties I may have for the future, for now I choose instead to be a voice of hope in the asexual community online. I am very, very lucky to have found Kyle, and I am surrounded by love wherever I go. This is not the reality for many of us, scattered throughout the world, but if nothing more, I want people to know that it is possible.
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