The Non-Conformist Rabbit

Board Games and Other Unexpected Rituals and Traditions Which Built My Adult Social Life

In the Fall of 2012 I moved in to a residence hall in the University of Lethbridge. Though binge drinking and clubbing did get me acquainted with my neighbors, I made my first friends when 2 young men invited me to play a board game. 
Munchkins was not like other board games I'd played in my youth. It wasn't like Monopoly or Scattegories, like Sorry or Scrabble. It had character and it invited you in to it's world- it is goofy, inventive, and likemany games out there now the goal may be to win, but the enjoyment in the game relies more on how you choose to play it. For instance, over 3 years I still only win a small fraction of the time, but I like that I can build up a strategy as the game goes on, and I enjoy thinking out the scenarios of my riding a giant mutant gerbil steed in to battle with a plushy skull, with only an impressive title, a gnome hireling, and a t-rex with dynamite in it's mouth to fight with. 
The 3 of us met up every night for Munchkins. We kept a score board on the wall. It didn't make us popular, but a few people did join in every once and a while, and for the most part those people stayed, like my boyfriend Kyle. The game became a platform through which we could build a friendship and discover something together- over the years and over about 15 expansion packs the tradition and our crowd only grew. Munchkins gave me a platform to make friends even with my social anxieties at the time and allowed my confidence to grow in an environment where you just had to play along and enjoy yourself to feel comfortable and accepted. Though there was a falling-out of sorts with one of those men, my best friend and partner in life and travel, Jordan, lives with me now, and we still spend many an evening paying this game. 

The Non-conformist rabbit, our favorite card, eventually became a symbol for our friendship through this game, and he ended up getting the image tattooed on his leg just as I got a shotglass resembling the same.

Later on, Jordan and I moved out together and we began hosting game nights in attempt to see the friends we already had, and invite new ones in to our lives. Our collection of games was not so large then, and the events usually began with a game of Headbandz which I notoriously continue to do what I call "gently reminding others what they should ask in order to help them succeed", which others may call blatant cheating but I digress. We also used to play The Red Dragon Inn, which we do not play as often now, but nonetheless invited our group to participate in a game which could be as dramatic as you wanted it to be. 

The diverse characters of Red Dragon Inn

The nice thing about Red Dragon Inn is that it allowed our friends which were actors, playwrights, artists, and drama enthusiasts to engage with their characters, and the rest of us could be entertained by these shenanigans and enjoy the actual play of the game as well. It does not demand the same level of creativity as, say, Gloom might call for or Betrayal at House on the Hill might, but still gives you plenty of opportunity to take it to new levels if you wish. 
Occasionally we would play our special brand of Sociables, too. However, our games did not just involve drinking as much liquor as fast as you can, but instead we designed them to invoke laughter, drama, and creativity. For example, where other games may designate a card to be "waterfall", we would have it be "hot-seat" or "bang" and for those willing, "chicken eyes". Don't get me wrong, Sociables will always be designed to get you drunk, but nonetheless we modified the game so that there were other elements at play, too, which also made the game more inclusive to our friends which weren't drinking. 

Party Games, Strategy Games, and Dramatic Games
Our Game Nights originally revolved around us owning party games as a sort of "warm up" to the idea of our events we would host later on. 

Guillotine cards

Party Games are ones which invite others to participate in the game, but do not inherently demand any kind of strategy, creativity, or dramatics to begin with. You can still make these games creative, but the concept and purpose of the game is still essentially a "warm up" for newer members of the community, and also serve as a good way to get people drunk should they choose to do so. Red Dragon Inn, for example, is actually structured as a drinking game and a dramatic game, but the play does not demand you do either to enjoy yourself. Nonetheless, the option is there, which made it a popular and versatile game in our first events. This category also involves games like Guillotine, Love Letter, and Fluxx which are simply put just a heap of fun! They are simple but are designed to withstand repetitive gameplay, and keep the tone light and casual where conversation can still be had while the game is going on. This is one of the many strengths of all board games; if you are socially awkward, games allow you to meet others through a common focus where the common environment of just a bunch of people sitting around talking may make you nervous, at first. Games allow you to come to that point yourself without the imposing environment which make many feel exposed and anxious. 

Ticket to Ride

Strategy games are games like Settlers of Catan, Powergrid, Dungeons and Dragons, Ticket to Ride, and to an extent one could place Munchkins or Killer Bunnies in this category (though they are certainly sillier and do not take themselves half as seriously). We do not take these games out for game nights typically, and this is for 2 reasons: Firstly, they usually have a limit of 4 players and do not work well in teams and secondly, these games are generally overwhelming to learn and take a certain kind of commitment to continue learning and enjoying them. The goal of these games is to win. You can still have fun playing them if you don't win, but you are ultimately rewarded with bragging rights through winning. Powergrid is a slight exception because when the game ends you still have this desire to see how far you could have gone, and still this pride in claiming the empire you have built regardless of whether it was the winning game or not. We usually prefer games like this or Ticket to Ride where you either don't know who wins until the last moment (or, in Killer Bunnies case, the winner is still ultimately left up to chance), or there is still reward just in playing the game. Catan is a great game, but unlike the others you really are having more fun if you are winning, and it is evident when you are doomed to lose. 
Finally, there are dramatic games, which are typically my favorite despite the fact that I am not naturally creative or dramatic in social situations. But I think that's what I love most about these games; they challenge you to take the risk of putting yourself out there and being silly, dramatic, and truly engaging with the game and your "audience" throughout. These are the games which pushed me to where I am now, and I owe it to games like Werewolves for my opening up as a person, and feeling more confident with my social persona because there was once a time when speaking in a group or introducing myself to others and making friends was cripplingly difficult and I found myself constantly self-conscious in terms of how I was being perceived socially, and these games helped me

conquer my fear. We bring these games out often in our game nights because it encourages people to do the same and if you are too shy, you will still be rewarded by others and encouraged regardless. These games create a sense of community where we are all suddenly working together to escape a haunted house or we are all suddenly grand storytellers of the awful events which plague our families in Gloom, or constantly interrupting each other to finish our fairy-tale ending in Happily Ever After. I think these games bring out something in everyone, and they always result in the most laughter. These are the games which make the experience memorable, and which has made our Game Nights more than small events, but ones which are inviting and still fresh and interesting. 


It is expensive to go out, and though we still actively go out for karaoke, trivia nights, and stand-up comedy to our local bars in order to get out and see a show, this is part of the reason why Jordan, Kyle and I began creating more and more excuses to host interesting, engaging, and inviting social events. A sense of community is something I have always strive for, and since those first game nights we have started hosting more bizarre events such as My Immortal circle-readings, Kung Fury viewing parties, Documentary Sundays, B-movie nights, and 5$ poker tournaments. It is important to us, too, that our guests do not have to drink to enjoy themselves nor do they feel ostracized for not drinking. 

The trick is to invite people shamelessly. Invite people that you may have talked to once, but seemed interesting. Give people the opportunity and permission to involve themselves because I know that I would have given anything for that opportunity when I needed it. When you are lonely or when you are looking to do new things and meet new people, it can be difficult to find a foothold, but by inviting shamelessly we have made friends just by giving them something to do on a Saturday night that isn't binge drinking and clubbing in order to meet people, or going to awkward parties with people grinding on the couch. We create spaces which are safe, open, and un-intiminating where the goal isn't to hook up or to get fucked up but to have fun and be invited in to a community. 
We don't need liquor anymore like we did in 2012. Liquor is something that may add to your enjoyment, but is by no means necessary to belong and to have fun like it once was when we would pre-drink to go out drinking and then black out and go home and later talk about how much we drank last night. That insecurity does not exist in my life anymore and I owe it everything to board games and the people that come to our weekly events. We get together for choice and not for the convenience and the insecure need to be part of something that I used to mistake for companionship back when I lived in residence. 

Board games created the table with which I can invite and share a life with others who are happy to sit down and engage in an evening together. Board games gave me a platform to feel worthy of friendship for feats outside of holding my liquor and embarrassing myself outrageously. I owe my adult social life to board games, my best friend and boyfriend to board games, and a good deal of self-love and confidence to it, too. I am proud to say this, and if this makes me a nerd then at least I am no longer a lonely, longing, awkward one like I was before.