Apples are my favorite fruit, and it isn't necessarily for their taste.
This should come as no surprise for people who have worked or gone to school with me- apples are the most concrete component of my motivated diet.
It began in 2011 when I was working at Calaway Park. It was my first job and I was thrilled at the chance to be outside all day. The job proved very physically demanding, but I adored every minute of it. I was happy working those 12 hour days and I greeted every morning with thanks for being alive. I was 17 and I was happier than I'd ever been in high school.
At that point, I was vehemently against depending on caffeine. I saw what it did to people my age, and so I found an alternative. I was told that apples will wake you up as well as a cup of coffee would, which has been confirmed from many sources but this doesn't mean apples have caffeine. What they really have is an extremely high sugar content. The fructose is absorbed in the body and gives the body a natural sugar rush, which equates to the waking up sensation one may also experience with a cup of coffee. To add to the benefits, apples also stimulate appetite, which allowed me to eat a hearty breakfast where I'd have normally felt too sluggish to.
So, I got in to the habit of eating constantly- beginning every day with an apple on the bus, and more often than not one on the ride home as well. The crisp, energy-rich nature of apples were my elixir of life and the way I feel physically and emotionally after an apple rivals no other snack.
They're cheap, easy to pack and carry, healthy, and rewarding so it isn't a stretch to say I eat 250-280 apples a year! They have been a consistent part of my diet since 2011 with the exception of my year spent in residence in university, which had to rhyme or order to any given day nor did I really have access to healthy fruit on my meal plan (intentional shade thrown), and now. I am not hungry enough.
I know there is potential here for me to slip in to a depression. My work has consumed me and not with any feeling of being rewarded or feeling good and exhausted at the end of the day. My work has consumed me and that is merely because it takes up my entire day and I spend half of it trying to look like I belong there and have things to do. Though there are instances of legitimately motivated social work, they are isolated. I have no time any more for my personal interests, and it is maddening cleaning already thrice cleaned tables thinking of all the time I don't have for anything else. For the first time in my life, I am working for the weekend.
I miss spending my days at the Y. My body and spirit ache for the activity, play, and social interaction. My heart aches for the friendly nature of the place. My soul aches for doing work that matters, as opposed to being employed in the position of potential for work that mattes. My voice shrinks inside me with no excuse to use it for long periods of time. I don't pack an apple with lunch. I don't need the energy. I am not hungry enough.
It sounds silly, but maybe forcing my body through the motions of hunger and fulfillment and consuming apples will help push me through this. Apples are a super food because they set your digestive system back in movement and kick start your metabolism- in effect, making you more energetic and hungry and processing what you do consume to a better degree.
I believe that things will get better, but the wait has stretched out past the horizon at this point. I feel like I'm wasting my youth, my young body, and my passion. If I can find nothing to hunger for right now, then let me find my motivation elsewhere. I did not leave the Y for this. They sent me off like a college graduate- like leaving the nest, they told me to keep my chin up and go do great things, time and time again reminding me what a great step this is for my life and career. But yet here I am, weighed down by my own worthlessness.
If apples are like a metaphor for what I've harvested in myself, why is it I am having trouble reaping them in me now? I keep asking myself when I will be hungry again, and maybe eating apples is only the first step to finding the answer.
This should come as no surprise for people who have worked or gone to school with me- apples are the most concrete component of my motivated diet.
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| An aerial view of Calaway Park |
At that point, I was vehemently against depending on caffeine. I saw what it did to people my age, and so I found an alternative. I was told that apples will wake you up as well as a cup of coffee would, which has been confirmed from many sources but this doesn't mean apples have caffeine. What they really have is an extremely high sugar content. The fructose is absorbed in the body and gives the body a natural sugar rush, which equates to the waking up sensation one may also experience with a cup of coffee. To add to the benefits, apples also stimulate appetite, which allowed me to eat a hearty breakfast where I'd have normally felt too sluggish to.
So, I got in to the habit of eating constantly- beginning every day with an apple on the bus, and more often than not one on the ride home as well. The crisp, energy-rich nature of apples were my elixir of life and the way I feel physically and emotionally after an apple rivals no other snack.
I know there is potential here for me to slip in to a depression. My work has consumed me and not with any feeling of being rewarded or feeling good and exhausted at the end of the day. My work has consumed me and that is merely because it takes up my entire day and I spend half of it trying to look like I belong there and have things to do. Though there are instances of legitimately motivated social work, they are isolated. I have no time any more for my personal interests, and it is maddening cleaning already thrice cleaned tables thinking of all the time I don't have for anything else. For the first time in my life, I am working for the weekend.
I miss spending my days at the Y. My body and spirit ache for the activity, play, and social interaction. My heart aches for the friendly nature of the place. My soul aches for doing work that matters, as opposed to being employed in the position of potential for work that mattes. My voice shrinks inside me with no excuse to use it for long periods of time. I don't pack an apple with lunch. I don't need the energy. I am not hungry enough.
It sounds silly, but maybe forcing my body through the motions of hunger and fulfillment and consuming apples will help push me through this. Apples are a super food because they set your digestive system back in movement and kick start your metabolism- in effect, making you more energetic and hungry and processing what you do consume to a better degree.
 |
| Not pictured here are my favorite apples; pink ladies |
If apples are like a metaphor for what I've harvested in myself, why is it I am having trouble reaping them in me now? I keep asking myself when I will be hungry again, and maybe eating apples is only the first step to finding the answer.
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