(Massive spoilers ahead. It's not worth trying to dance around the thing)
Hanya Yanagihara's "A Little Life" has long since been praised before I finally got around to it. All I knew before going in was that it is known for being a difficult read in terms of subject matter, but not something like "Go Ask Alice" where you find yourself just wishing for the book to be over because it is nothing but darkness and drugs. I was told that the less you know going in the better and so I
assumed this would be because of twists and shocking turns like that of "Gone Girl", but I see now this advice is given because if you know that the book dives head first in to sexual abuse and lifelong depression, you might be tricked in to believing this is a hopeless book. I suppose that is what is most surprising upon reflecting on this book; although it absolutely is composed of some of the most horrifying chapters and sequences I've ever encountered, the story is still woven together with such warmth and genuinely touching scenes showing up when you least expect it, that reading it becomes less an experience of horror and more the experience we see Jude going through himself; an unstable balance between intense anxiety and being held in a warm, comforting embrace.
I have never felt so livid with emotion while reading before this one. I have never read something so difficult to swallow with such spectacular prose and cared so deeply that it ends because of the people involved in it (and yet, I never felt that I wanted the book to end because it was beating me over the head, like "Go Ask Alice"). Jude's suffering is and isn't his own- through every flashback there is a point where I find myself crushed for Harold, for Willem, and for Andy. Through every triumph of his friends there is a distinct sigh of relief for Jude to always react with such gratitude and heartfelt affection. Then you find yourself wincing when you are thrown in to his awful marble bathroom watching him saw through scar tissue to relieve himself of his shameful blood. Even when Jude is unkind to the ones who love him, it is prefaced with an understanding that he hates himself and this is why he will not eat, he can't stop cutting, or he rejects physical affection.
One thing in particular that Yanagihara does so vitally well in this novel is use Jude's cutting scenes tactically. It is not just torture porn. These scenes always follow instances of shame, heartbreak, or disillusion from Jude. We know they happen nightly, but Yanagihara only shows them to us after specific occasions or he will make note of Jude doing it more often when it follows that he would be more doubtful of his worth than usual. It is made explicitly clear that Jude does not hate his life. Jude hates himself. Further, he doesn't merely hate himself but feels that he is filthy, shameful, and born only for the thing he has run from. Despite his enormous successes in his law firm and friendships he feels like a broken person both in his psyche and in his crippled body. The massive secret narrative he keeps from his friends weighs on him because despite the love he feels for others and the love he may see returned to him, he believes people are merely humoring him and that they are just waiting for him to reprieve them of their duties. I am always frustrated when people cry out in confusion when faced with depression as if they can't believe that someone could feel depressed for reasons outside of their external environments. "How can he be depressed? What could he possibly have to be depressed about?" are not uncommon questions regarding depression, and I appreciate that Yanagihara makes an effort to show Jude's gratitude, and how little difference it makes in his mental health. All it does is prove to Jude that he should hide his suffering not only because it is despicable, but because it is nonsensical in considering his successes in law, friendship, and family. The only things that come through are the support of his friends and this is a message that is shown again and again but never in repetitive ways. Change in the novel is taken place over a long enough period, 35 years, so that it feels natural and believable, even for Jude. Of course, in the end Jude still kills himself and his remaining friends and family are left wondering whether Jude had been helped at all, or whether this was all just a build up to when he would finally succeed.
Yanagihara didn't just create characters, but a web of relationships that is constantly in the background and always a factor in behavior. The characters are not only fleshed out and believable, but complement each other in the most satisfying way. The incredible synergy between them made it possible for them to actually feel like a family in the many scenes in which they get together over the 35 years- it never felt forced or cliche because you actually believed that they all valued each other and spent time together "off screen". Chapters that took place in their youth had the feeling of being jaded, ambitious, and experimental and likewise later on when they were in their 50's, their respective chapters felt slower and with a gaze of maturity. When "The Happy Years" came though it never felt boring or cliche because it really felt earned for Jude and Willem and I drank those pages up like nectar. The progress of the story and characters felt like blooms of flowers coming in to fruition rather than the way a novel usually feels- more like a train reaching it's required stations on the way to a destination. Though Jude's chapters were the majority of the book and his flashback chapters were without any doubt the most engrossing, I found the restraint that Yanagihara took in JB to be a really smart move. His depictions of JB's art were at times more effective than a chapter would have been for JB just as Willem really didn't need many chapters of his own due to the earnest manor which he displayed himself with at all times. Flashbacks were also incorporated so well in this book- it reminded me a lot of Emily St. John Mandell's "Station Eleven".
This book also introduced me to the real horrors of grief. It's not as if I hadn't seen portrayals of grief elsewhere, but none so vividly effecting and honest to god scary as this one. Grief was like a haunt for the last part of the novel and I legitimately lost my appetite during these chapters, even above the ones depicting gut wrenching sexual abuse and self harm (there is a point when Jude's abuser of years shows him how to cut himself to alleviate his sadness. He then tells him that he is so good at sex, at age 11, that God has told him that he was born for it. Born for sex and suffering). It sounds strange to say that the chapters depicting grief were the ones to give me nightmares over ones with rape, exploitation, horrible physical abuse, and JB's sad as fuck chapter on drug abuse, but it's the truth! It stuck with me for days- these images of Jude slowly starving himself because he owed it to Harold not to kill himself overtly. It also liked that Yanagihhara oh so subtly speaks up for people who experience loss of friends and family who are celebrities- Jude struggles with the general public lending him all this sympathy as if they, too, had lost Willem just because they'd known him in movies.
There is so much to talk about regarding this book, and so many other places I could go. I'm not even going to touch on the immense suffering I felt watching Willem and Jude stumble through sexuality the same way Kyle and I did, nor the overwhelming swell of emotion I felt when they arrived to the same conclusion. There is so much to love about this book, and so much that stuck with me in my heart. The vividly effecting images of abuse and suffering will stick with me too, absolutely, but the prevailing feeling that I left this novel was one of love and affection, even if it existed on a base of grief, sadness, and sentimentality. It felt like 35 years of my life. This book held me captive in fear and yet I believed that I was there because of love. I loved these characters and I adored this book regardless of how much it hurt me. If that isn't a meta narrative, I don't know what is.
Hanya Yanagihara's "A Little Life" has long since been praised before I finally got around to it. All I knew before going in was that it is known for being a difficult read in terms of subject matter, but not something like "Go Ask Alice" where you find yourself just wishing for the book to be over because it is nothing but darkness and drugs. I was told that the less you know going in the better and so I
I have never felt so livid with emotion while reading before this one. I have never read something so difficult to swallow with such spectacular prose and cared so deeply that it ends because of the people involved in it (and yet, I never felt that I wanted the book to end because it was beating me over the head, like "Go Ask Alice"). Jude's suffering is and isn't his own- through every flashback there is a point where I find myself crushed for Harold, for Willem, and for Andy. Through every triumph of his friends there is a distinct sigh of relief for Jude to always react with such gratitude and heartfelt affection. Then you find yourself wincing when you are thrown in to his awful marble bathroom watching him saw through scar tissue to relieve himself of his shameful blood. Even when Jude is unkind to the ones who love him, it is prefaced with an understanding that he hates himself and this is why he will not eat, he can't stop cutting, or he rejects physical affection.
One thing in particular that Yanagihara does so vitally well in this novel is use Jude's cutting scenes tactically. It is not just torture porn. These scenes always follow instances of shame, heartbreak, or disillusion from Jude. We know they happen nightly, but Yanagihara only shows them to us after specific occasions or he will make note of Jude doing it more often when it follows that he would be more doubtful of his worth than usual. It is made explicitly clear that Jude does not hate his life. Jude hates himself. Further, he doesn't merely hate himself but feels that he is filthy, shameful, and born only for the thing he has run from. Despite his enormous successes in his law firm and friendships he feels like a broken person both in his psyche and in his crippled body. The massive secret narrative he keeps from his friends weighs on him because despite the love he feels for others and the love he may see returned to him, he believes people are merely humoring him and that they are just waiting for him to reprieve them of their duties. I am always frustrated when people cry out in confusion when faced with depression as if they can't believe that someone could feel depressed for reasons outside of their external environments. "How can he be depressed? What could he possibly have to be depressed about?" are not uncommon questions regarding depression, and I appreciate that Yanagihara makes an effort to show Jude's gratitude, and how little difference it makes in his mental health. All it does is prove to Jude that he should hide his suffering not only because it is despicable, but because it is nonsensical in considering his successes in law, friendship, and family. The only things that come through are the support of his friends and this is a message that is shown again and again but never in repetitive ways. Change in the novel is taken place over a long enough period, 35 years, so that it feels natural and believable, even for Jude. Of course, in the end Jude still kills himself and his remaining friends and family are left wondering whether Jude had been helped at all, or whether this was all just a build up to when he would finally succeed.
Yanagihara didn't just create characters, but a web of relationships that is constantly in the background and always a factor in behavior. The characters are not only fleshed out and believable, but complement each other in the most satisfying way. The incredible synergy between them made it possible for them to actually feel like a family in the many scenes in which they get together over the 35 years- it never felt forced or cliche because you actually believed that they all valued each other and spent time together "off screen". Chapters that took place in their youth had the feeling of being jaded, ambitious, and experimental and likewise later on when they were in their 50's, their respective chapters felt slower and with a gaze of maturity. When "The Happy Years" came though it never felt boring or cliche because it really felt earned for Jude and Willem and I drank those pages up like nectar. The progress of the story and characters felt like blooms of flowers coming in to fruition rather than the way a novel usually feels- more like a train reaching it's required stations on the way to a destination. Though Jude's chapters were the majority of the book and his flashback chapters were without any doubt the most engrossing, I found the restraint that Yanagihara took in JB to be a really smart move. His depictions of JB's art were at times more effective than a chapter would have been for JB just as Willem really didn't need many chapters of his own due to the earnest manor which he displayed himself with at all times. Flashbacks were also incorporated so well in this book- it reminded me a lot of Emily St. John Mandell's "Station Eleven".
This book also introduced me to the real horrors of grief. It's not as if I hadn't seen portrayals of grief elsewhere, but none so vividly effecting and honest to god scary as this one. Grief was like a haunt for the last part of the novel and I legitimately lost my appetite during these chapters, even above the ones depicting gut wrenching sexual abuse and self harm (there is a point when Jude's abuser of years shows him how to cut himself to alleviate his sadness. He then tells him that he is so good at sex, at age 11, that God has told him that he was born for it. Born for sex and suffering). It sounds strange to say that the chapters depicting grief were the ones to give me nightmares over ones with rape, exploitation, horrible physical abuse, and JB's sad as fuck chapter on drug abuse, but it's the truth! It stuck with me for days- these images of Jude slowly starving himself because he owed it to Harold not to kill himself overtly. It also liked that Yanagihhara oh so subtly speaks up for people who experience loss of friends and family who are celebrities- Jude struggles with the general public lending him all this sympathy as if they, too, had lost Willem just because they'd known him in movies.
There is so much to talk about regarding this book, and so many other places I could go. I'm not even going to touch on the immense suffering I felt watching Willem and Jude stumble through sexuality the same way Kyle and I did, nor the overwhelming swell of emotion I felt when they arrived to the same conclusion. There is so much to love about this book, and so much that stuck with me in my heart. The vividly effecting images of abuse and suffering will stick with me too, absolutely, but the prevailing feeling that I left this novel was one of love and affection, even if it existed on a base of grief, sadness, and sentimentality. It felt like 35 years of my life. This book held me captive in fear and yet I believed that I was there because of love. I loved these characters and I adored this book regardless of how much it hurt me. If that isn't a meta narrative, I don't know what is.
Comments
Post a Comment