How Bizarre

I got married on September 28th and 29th, because no government will stop Kyle and I from getting married the way we want it! I proposed to Kyle in our parking lot. I had intended to propose to him on a beautiful sunset walk- our friends had talked me through my nervousness and I'd picked up the rings just one day prior. Even though I was fairly confident he would say yes, still I was nervous. I can't say there was a real reason why- I guess I just had never really thought about finding myself in that position until I had the rings. I wondered if he would be upset that I beat him to the chase, but at the time I was the only one with money. It was April and we had just gotten Kyle a new doctor who was telling us she had an idea as to what was making him so ill. Thinking back, it's so wild that I proposed then- that I didn't wait until we knew if he would get better. I guess that's the thing though- at that point, it didn't matter to me if Kyle would still be sick when we got married. It did not matter to me that I might be marrying a sick man because that man was Kyle. I had no faith that things would turn around to the extent that it did, when I ordered the rings. We had long since began coming to terms with what our life might be like going forward. The fact that he did get better and was able to dance at our wedding is not just a miracle, but a sign to me that the night is always darkest before the dawn. We weren't owed this kind of fairy-tale luck and happy ending, but damn if the joy and elation in the air on our wedding day didn't speak to me that we made it- we really made it!

Our best friend and officiant's dog ultimately cucked me out of my planned proposal, and the government tried to cuck us out of having the wedding we wanted, but nothing could steal from us that moment that "Safety Dance" played at our wedding and Kyle was there in his bright pink jacket dancing and smiling at me- the man I love happy, healthy, with me and all of our friends celebrating love, joy, friendship, and our incredible fortune! Despite Mags and the government, everything was perfect. The proposal and the ceremony aren't the things that were grand, to me. Sitting at the head table with all of my favorite people laughing, already drunk in Shelby and Charlene's case, Tyler on stage telling one of my favorite stories, Isaiah officiating with humor and charm unparalleled even by what we imagined, later on being asked to dance and cheerfully welcomed and hugged again and again by my new in-laws and new family- that was where I felt the grandeur of the whole thing. Though I'd already officially become a wife the day before, it was that moment when Kyle and I stole a moment to look at each other amidst all the chaos, that I really felt like his wife. Here I am, feeling more beautiful than I even imagined, sitting with my husband with the knowledge between us that this day will fly by in an instant, but we will always have this shared history. Ultimately, married life is no different than our dating life was. The wedding served as a symbolic point to celebrate how far we've come, and toast to a new beginning. In the coming year, I expect a lot of our friends will have moved away, or we will have. To have everyone together, people who have been family to us for years and have seen us grow as a couple, this was a very cherished blessing for me. 

So after months of (albeit pretty passive) planning and getting ready, there it came and went. The cliche is very true- no matter what you do, your wedding day flies by. Even the day before the wedding seemed to exist in some sickly sweet rush of emotion and excitement- the official ceremony, dinner, naps, rehearsal, playing video games with Tyler, and decorating all seemed to happen together. The wedding day exists in my memory as a series of happy moments and snapshots- cigars out back, secret drinks from Isaiah's flask, laughing at tables, dancing and sweating and drinking, laughter, laughter, so much laughter. Food, speeches, and vows as well- I remember being so nervous about my vows for fear of my lisp taking over, but they, too, flew by. I remember feeling weightless and shook by Kyle's vows- so genuine, charming, and funny like he is. I can't even remember seeing his expression when I walked down the isle- I just remember giggling together when we were up there, perhaps realizing just then that it was too late to take back the silly little ceremony we had committed to. I didn't even have time to look to our crowd as they laughed along to Isaiah's ceremony. Honestly, I just couldn't get my eyes off of Kyle- ever smitten with him. We didn't do a lot of the wedding traditions we felt were stressful, expensive, or just not our jam. The morning before our wedding Kyle and I had breakfast together before he left to set up the sound system, and later he took a cab to the venue with Charlene and I. Still, seeing him there in that jacket all others aspire to, I felt that
nausea I'd felt before about public speaking completely disappear. There he was, and here we were- standing together at our wedding which we had been joking about for years. All the fear I'd felt over the past year and even when we were first dating came back for a moment, and that all at once dissipated in a giggle. "You kids ready?" Isaiah asks. Younger Kyle and Megan, awkwardly being in love with each other but too afraid to speak up, they'd be so happy and proud to find us here. "Yes, I am ready"

I'm still reeling over how perfectly it all panned out. Everywhere I looked there were smiles, laughs, dancing and affectionate conversations. Kyle's dad went out of his way to talk to every single person there and occasionally I would catch people swept away in his spell of charisma. I was also so happy to see my parents drunk, dancing, just being happy- not concerned in those moments about houses going unsold or global warming hoaxes ruining the economy. However, my favorite person at the wedding was Charlene- bar none. Charlene, my oldest friend who until that day I had never seen drunk, got absolutely smashed with the maid of honor (Shelby) and appeared to get magic charisma powers from it. Charlene absolutely made an impression on everyone, and I was so happy and proud to celebrate with her and see her getting along so well with my friends. It was cool to be there with her, just absolutely trashed and doing some sort of cha-cha, and remember that it was with her in junior high and high school that we would talk about the impossibility of ever being adults like this.

My dad's speech focused on what he calls my "lost years" with Charlene, and in the moment I was kind of embarrassed, but I'm glad he did it. I'm glad he did it, and I am glad Charlene was there for it. Earlier that morning she arrived and we talked about how she built a fucking house from scratch in Ontario all summer and the morning after we dragged our hungover asses all over the city to clean up the hall and return the music equipment. That 14 year old girl who befriended Charlene and depended on her as her only friend was getting married, and having Charlene there felt like a way to celebrate that past. I was so proud to introduce Charlene to my friends- have her see my people and though she never was one to guilt me for it, understand why I never moved back to Calgary. I was so happy to have her and Shelby and my family see me with the people I spend my daily life with and see how happy they make me. 

I meant to do a thank you speech during the speeches, but everything just happened so fast and I was still processing the speeches when they ended. I surprised myself with not crying during the wedding- but Isaiah's speech did get me. I didn't want to go up for fear of losing that feeling I had after a collection of touching, funny, and honest speeches. But nonetheless, I have so many people to thank, so maybe I'll do it here: 

I want to begin with thanking everyone here- thank you for coming and celebrating us, as most of you have driven from Calgary and Cochrane, it means a lot to Kyle and I that you made that drive for us. Next, the wedding party. First, thank you Kecia for my makeup with the patience and consideration of a saint. Thank you Drew, for helping me keep my proposal a secret and for wearing that paisley tie- god bless you. Thank you Jordan, for being here even though you are probably stoned off your ass on pain killers. Thank you Jayme, for making these adorable centerpieces and helping us decorate yesterday. Thank you Krista, for the marvelous cake I am about to smush in to Kyle's beard. Thank

you Tyler, not only for being the best brother in law I could ever ask for, but also for those cigars and for all of the moments over the years that you have laughed with us. I Thank you Charlene, for helping me with my vows this morning and playing Mario Tennis with me to cool my nerves. Thank you Isaiah, not only for officiating but also for signing my marriage certificate with hearts to dot your i's. Finally, thank you Shelby, for being my maid of honour and making the trip down here twice to celebrate with me. Though you may not have had the traditional responsibilities of a maid of honour, still know that I gave you that title for a reason- I couldn't imagine standing up there without you. Shelby is also editing all of our photography which is not only a generous gift, but a deeply personal one. Thank you all for sharing your lives with Kyle and I, it's been nothing short of a dream come true for 2 shitposting wierdos like us. Finally, I'd like to thank my in-laws for coming down here yesterday with a van full of decorations for this venue. Thank you for your love and support over the years, I couldn't ask for a better family to marry in to.

It is such a wonderful and arresting sensation to be basically adopted as an adult. Ever since we got engaged, Kyle's parents have swept me up in their arms without any hesitation or permission. At first, it was kind of overwhelming. We have been close for years, and I've always had a soft spot for them. Earning their affection has been one of my greatest joys and achievements, but nonetheless their affection for me took on a new volume and natural quality when I proposed to Kyle. Suddenly, it wasn't that I had new in-laws, it was actually like I just got new parents. I had always envied Kyle for his family which puts
him and his brother in the center of their lives. Though I am grateful for my independence, the intimacy and investment Kyle's family has is endearing and intoxicating to me. To get the family that I dreamed of when I essentially emancipated myself in my youth has been a surreal and incredibly validating experience. A pride and affirmation has taken over me that I didn't expect- this is the family I have earned, this love I am receiving from Kyle's parents does not feel compulsory any more. I can feel and know that I am considered part of the family, and suddenly all the grievances of my youth are being put out like water on hot coals. Though we both knew it wouldn't happen to the same degree, I am sad nonetheless that Kyle hasn't received the same kind of welcome from my family. My mother,
stepfather, and siblings are kind of removed from the whole situation as I myself are more a transient figure in their lives than anything. My father adores Kyle, but as noted, I have always had a very independent relationship in my family, so Kyle isn't going to be welcomed the same way I am just because of the different dynamics at play. While I was being stolen away by Tyler to dance and while we continue to have that delightful relationship we have had for years, my siblings wont even look at Kyle. At least one of them has an excuse, and this wasn't unexpected, but still I felt kind of embarrassed. This is why I am taking Kyle's name- I have joined the Spreadbury clan and my family has long since accepted my departure with little to no resistance. In the coming years, I wonder if the transition will ever be complete- if Christmases will become seeing my dad, and then going straight to Cochrane. It is bittersweet, in a way, but it gets sweeter every day.

The wedding came and went and nothing I could have done would have made it slow down. I do not regret this though- I made an effort to see as much of it as I could and enjoy every moment as it was, perfection in all its spectrum of light. I remember sitting with Charlene on the stage for a moment and talking to her about it does get better. All those years we spent lamenting on our isolation and confusion in life, and here we are together again. Look at me, getting married and showing my oldest friend the life I've built here. Look at Charlene, firmly in the career of her dreams and forever off doing wild things on a whim for her family. Look at everyone all dressed up in their personalities laughing and loving each other, stolen away careless and boisterous.
Somehow I managed to take one room and have it filled with all of this love and joy- every bit emulating all the best parts of this life. As "How Bizarre" finishes the night and the tangible magic of the evening begins to settle, I see my husband laughing with our friends bright and glowing like he has always been to me, and on that day everyone else got to see it too. We met up once more on the dance floor and laughed at the perfection of this universe where "How Bizarre" is the last song to play on our wedding night. How bizarre that we have found ourselves here in a world which threatened and snarled and spat at us that we would be alone, inept, or at the very least too sick to be here. How bizarre that we have found friends like these- a wedding party where no boundaries lie and a wedding which reflected this intimacy with an officiant who as been our closest friend of many years. Now I am married to my best friend and we get the privilege to laugh forever together with tax benefits, legal rights, new names and titles, and the memory of this weekend arresting in natural beauty.
How bizarre, how bizarre